No matter what you’ve done recently, hiked the Appalachian trail, Scuba dove in a tropical region, the One Upper has done it better. They’ve climbed Everest with no oxygen, they’ve joined David Cameron on his trek to the bottom on the sea, but most importantly they did it bigger and better than you did. The One Upper is commonly found in the wild, there’s one at almost every party stalking its prey, listening, waiting until it hears a story being told so it can move in and pounce.
It’s Five o’clock somewhere is the life motto of The Drunk, doesn’t matter if the party doesn’t get poppin’ till 10:30 that won’t stop the drunk from getting completely plastered by 8:45. The Drunk is a scientific marvel, the ability show up to a party hammered and still manage to drink more of the alcohol than the rest of the party has baffled scientists for generations. The Drunk midway through the night will also evolve to its final form, an immovable rock that can sleep through anything thrown at him, or stacked on him for that matter. Nothing kills the party’s vibe like a Drunk snoring in the dogs bed in the corner of the room.
A bottle, an ash tray, a vase, an urn with your grandmothers ashes, it doesn’t matter The Breaker will find it, and you guessed it break it. It feels that some people under the influence just seem to break everything they touch. The best option for dealing with Breakers should you decide to invite them is to cover everything in a layer or two in bubble wrap and hope for the best.
A Wingman is a college aged male’s best friend, taking the hit from a grenade and helping you to bag the dime. The “Wingman” is a different story entirely, at first glance the two are identical, ] when it really gets down to it and that one… bigger friend needs dealing with your Wingman will jump in and save the day by offering to buy her a drink. The “Wingman” will do anything to dodge and evade his duties and leave the friend unattended, scrambling back to hot friend asking to leave.
Usually found in the corner of the room or in the kitchen whisper screaming at each other about how one of them stared at someone else, or how they always do this. There is absolutely zero point in trying to intervene, nothing you say will change either of their minds. In fact you will probably be dragged in and forced to choose a side, that never ends well.